13 weeks at home, a quarter of a year, and in the midst of the community’s re-opening, feels like an appropriate point to stop, reflect, and document how life changed like the flick of a switch. Although Santa Clara County’s lockdown officially began on March 16, mine started earlier with a string of illnesses – hand foot and mouth disease and flu contracted from my lovely granddaughters. Today, I can’t help but notice how very healthy they and we have been in this saga we call sheltering in place.
My morning exercise defines the day. It provides a reason to rise and an important purpose, that of maintaining good health and strength, but more importantly mental therapy. I alternate days of walking and running, the same 3 mile route down Los Altos Avenue through the edge of downtown and back. I see the same people day after day, making eye contact and waving hello while skirting their presence. As I make my way down the street, I am fully aware of people in front and behind me, constantly planning whether to cross the street, veer into the bike path, stay on the sidewalk, or use the middle of the road. Throughout the months of March and April, the quiet street void of cars created an ambience of peace and and serenity. Many days, I saw only a handful of people. My senses seemed heightened as the sound of birds chirping was so loud, the air clear and clean making the colors of spring leaves and flowers so incredibly vivid. At night, the stars appeared brighter and the “flower” moon amazingly detailed. The world seems so beautiful until I am jolted back to reality of our “abnormal ness”.
Since retiring in July, the weeks were busy with travels, babysitting and holidays. Suddenly life screeched to a halt. Not one to sit idle, I felt the need to control my life with projects and the organization of chaos, furiously working to complete quilts, clean cabinets, sort papers and pull weeds. There has never been a time until now when our yard was weedless. With no control over the events in the world around me, the yard was something I had full control over. I bought planter bed kits, ordered soil, filled the beds and started seeds. This would be the source of my daily salads and our daily sustenance should there be a shortage of food. It felt like an apocolypse.
Procuring food took a good portion of each day. Not wanting to venture into stores, I explored all options and settled on a local CSA for our produce, and Instacart delivery for all other food needs. Getting items was a challenge as everyone in town was in need of the same goods and so much was sold out – toilet paper, Chlorox wipes, flour, napkins, paper towels. Finding delivery times meant getting online at 7am to place my order which sometimes meant a 2 week wait. I felt the need to stock up, storing frozen chickens and beans. I joined the bread baking craze until yeast was no where to be found and then entered the sourdough revolution. This weekend I baked my 6th loaf of sourdough raisin bread which we have toasted for breakfast every day since the first week in April. It was delicious.
Surprisingly I have not read a single book though several are stacked on the desk. I have watched every bad romantic comedy on netflix, peruse the news but avoid listening to it, and watch videos on photography but haven’t photographed anything. We’ve settled into a comfortable daily routine that is framed by exercise and ends with listening to Star Trek and Deep Space Nine down the hall on Ray’s and computer, celebrating the end of every 2 weeks with homemade pizza, and an occasional netflix movie. My sleepless nights of March are gone as my conundrum and guilt have been resolved about whether my mother should come stay here or remain in her apartment. She is safe but I wonder if her social life at the Terraces is ever going to return.
I fear being Asian in a white country and how people will react to us in many of the remote and rural places we go to fish and camp. Will we be in danger or will people forget? Can we defeat this current president who has made China the scapegoat of all his atrocities?
I am grateful for a few good friends that communicate via text or make distanced visits outside. I look forward to Zoe’s texts each day asking if I want to FaceTime and play. We’ve baked cookies virtually, played bingo and have make believe adventures. I am thankful for the uncomplicated birth of Isaac, born in his amniotic sac. I found it ironic that he stayed in a safe sac rather than coming exposed into our strange world; we all need a safe sac to live in right now. Although I have not seen Jen face to face, I am grateful she is in a safe place and not in NYC. I look with pride on Robert’s parenting and the family he feeds and nourishes in so many ways. I am thankful for a partner like Ray who although we irritate each other, is a good companion in so many ways.
Tomorrow, our county reopens and I am skeptical as to whether this is a good thing, though I know our current condition is unsustainable economically. Today as I tried to converse across the street, I noticed the increased amount of traffic. We shall see what the summer holds for us and the rest of the country. For us, it means little as the threat still remains and I am unsure when we will feel safe going to the store, traveling, or going to a restaurant. I fear our lives have forever changed and although many have pinned their hopes on vaccines and therapeutics, I don’t believe any of that is realistically in our near future. I look at the toys in our family room and it saddens me that we won’t be able to do the things with our grandchildren that we and they enjoyed. This moment in time is but a flash in their lives but a large void of time in the shorter time we have on this earth. We have Mileage and funds saved up and no where to use them. More importantly, will we stay healthy of this virus or will we be among the “herd” that contracts it, and what will become of us? I always said that when you have the opportunity to go someplace, you should go because you just never know when you won’t be able to go. I never predicted it would be because of a pandemic. Hopefully this will be merely a blip in the grand scheme of our lives and we will come out the other end stronger and more resilient, and with an appreciation of all that we have.